Has Always Been
by chocolatecoffeebeans
Summary: A few years after graduating high school, Rachel and Quinn meet again in Lima. Reflecting on their high school past and on the different paths they've taken since, they begin to wonder what they really mean to each other.
1. Chapter One

Rachel pushed her cart down the aisle of the grocery store, avoiding the eyes of everybody she passed. She'd been back for over a month, but she was still terrified of running into anyone she knew, of anyone other than her dads knowing that she was back in Lima.

She missed New York. The sense of potential, life, dreams. But right now, she thought as she scanned the shelves, she missed good vegan options. In her old neighborhood, there'd been an amazing range of ethnic and health food stores that sold quinoa, wheatgerm, spices she'd never even heard of in Ohio. The most exotic thing the Lima grocery sold was sweet chili Doritos. Rachel picked up what appeared to be a pie in a can and was examining the label dubiously when, out of the corner of her eye, she caught a swish of blonde hair as a very familiar face appeared at the end of the aisle.

Quinn Fabray, walking beside her mother and chatting away happily. Rachel suddenly felt numb; her fingers fumbled and the canned pie fell to the floor, landing with a bang that made her wince and Quinn look up. Well, that was it for any chance of hoping that the girl just wouldn't see her.

Quinn's eyes widened. She mumbled something to Judy, who smiled and said loudly, "Dear, I think I forgot the peas. I'll run back and get them while you catch up with your little friend here."

Quinn nodded absently as her mother wheeled their cart around and sped off in the other direction.

"I can't believe you're here. I thought you dropped off the face of the Earth. You never replied to any of our texts. I think Tina even made a Myspace account so she could send you a message, and nothing," Quinn murmured.

"I-I-I mean, I-I," Rachel stammered. What could she possibly say? She knew how rude she'd been.

"I mean, it's cool if you were busy or whatever," Quinn continued, "It's just I thought we were, you know, friends. Or something."

Rachel nodded. "I know. I'm really sorry, it's just -," she faltered.

"Too busy going after that amazing Broadway career?" Quinn suggested lightly.

"N-No," Rachel said. "Not quite."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Record deal? Can't see you as a teenybopper idol, but okay."

Rachel bit her lip, and Quinn frowned.

"I'm sorry. It's, well, it's not really any of my business. Look, I'm only in town for a couple of weeks, but if you want to, we could grab a cup of coffee or something. You know, talk. As friends," she added hastily, "of course."

Rachel searched Quinn's face, but it was carefully blank.

"I guess I'd like that," she began, hesitantly. "You don't. Um. You don't think it'll, you know, hurt too much?"

Quinn smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Contrary to popular belief, Rachel Berry, you're not the centre of the universe. It is possible to get over you, you know."

Rachel swallowed hard. Even back then, they'd rarely spoken aloud about what was happening between them. Sometimes she wondered if she'd imagined it all, even after all that she'd lost because of it.

"Well, okay. When's good for you?"

"How about right now? You know, since you've kind of proven you can't be trusted to return calls," Quinn teased.

Rachel flushed. "Well, um. I have to buy my, um..." she trailed off, glancing at the floor.

"You can't possibly be about to tell me that Rachel Berry is going to buy a pie in a can. Especially not a dented one," Quinn said, laughing.

"Well, it's three meals for $1.99," Rachel said defensively. "That's a good price, although from the look of things Mommy still buys everything for you, so I guess you wouldn't know."

"Actually, I'm here to buy groceries for my Mom," Quinn said coolly. "A lot has changed in the past three years, you know. Or you would know, if you'd bothered to keep in touch."

"Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say."

Quinn's expression softened. "It's okay. I'm sure you had your reasons for the radio silence. Come and tell me over coffee. Or don't tell me, but do come and have the coffee. Please?"

Rachel nodded.

"Great. Let me just find my mom and give her some cash, and we'll head over to the Lima Bean."

* * *

><p>The Lima Bean was just as Rachel remembered it. She hadn't visited since she'd come back from New York. Mind you, she hadn't really gone anywhere other than the grocery store since she'd come back. Mostly, she sat in her room and watched old sitcoms. Her fathers sometimes put Funny Girl on loudly in the the sitting room and made homemade pizzas with vegan cheese, and she knew they were trying to tempt her out. She didn't miss the uneasy looks they exchanged when she padded out into the kitchen in her flannel pajamas, filled bowls with cereal, padded back to her room. It made her heart ache, and she so much wanted to be able to join them, to be the bright, smiling girl they knew and loved, so that they didn't have to worry anymore. But whenever she steeled her resolve to get up, to soldier on, to pretend it was okay until it was, she'd feel the disappointment crushing her until all she wanted to do was sit alone in the dark and cry. At least the sitcoms gave her something else to think about.<p>

Quinn set a cup of coffee on the table in front of her, startling her out of her thoughts.

"One large soy latte. I wasn't sure if you were still a vegan, maybe not if you eat pie in a can now, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry."

Rachel smiled gratefully and took a sip. As badly as things had gone with Quinn, she sometimes wondered if she'd made the wrong choice all that time ago. Finn had never understood why her veganism was so important to her. She still felt a little sick when she remembered how he'd told her, months after the fact, that he'd once forgotten entirely and served her a meat dinner. And let her believe it was meat substitute! Worse, he'd told her about it in such a casual manner that it'd been clear he didn't think it was a big deal.

She cleared her throat and picked up her purse. "So, um. How much was the coffee?"

Quinn waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. This one's on me."

Rachel hesitated.

"Don't worry. I don't expect that a coffee means you owe me sex."

Rachel froze.

"I mean," Quinn continued, "You're a classy girl. I probably at least have to buy you dinner."

"Um, uh..." Rachel desperately searched for something to say. Damn it. How could this girl still throw her off guard like this?

Quinn giggled. "Relax, Rach. You ought to know I'm just messing with you."

Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't used to being lost for words. Though she had to admit, the idea that Quinn might still want her was flattering. She wasn't exactly at the top of her game these days, and Quinn was breathtakingly gorgeous as ever. She could have had anyone she wanted. Probably did have, Rachel scolded herself, so there was no point thinking about what might have been.

"So," she said. "What are you doing back in Lima?"

She settled back in her seat, sipping her coffee. There. If there was one thing New York had taught her, it was that you needed to go on the offensive. If she just kept asking Quinn questions about herself, maybe they wouldn't have to talk about Rachel.

Quinn sipped her own drink. "We have a couple of weeks break in filming, and it's nice to come back and see my mom. She burned through most of the money she got in the divorce pretty quickly, so she's been having kind of a hard time lately."

"Filming?" Rachel asked disbelievingly. "You mean like, a movie?"

Quinn half-smiled. "I'm surprised. I thought for sure you'd have Googled me once or twice. I know I've searched for you. But I guess you're using a stage name, because I never find anything."

Rachel rummaged in her handbag, desperately trying to avoid Quinn's gaze.

"I looked you up on Facebook," she admitted. "But I didn't find anything."

Quinn nodded. "I have a private profile. I've had a couple of crazy guys trying to track me down. My agent said it'd be better not to have private stuff floating around the internet when I get more famous, anyway. Especially stuff that might suggest... well, you know."

Rachel shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "So you're a movie star now. Congrats. I'm happy for you."

"I wouldn't say a star. Not yet. But I'm working hard, and I'm hopeful. And don't think I don't know what you're doing. You're trying to distract me so I won't ask you what you're doing in Lima."

Rachel glanced down at her hands.

"It's okay, Rach," Quinn said gently. "You obviously don't want to tell me. I'm not going to push any more, but I just want you to know that when you're ready to talk, I'll be ready to listen."

"It's not exactly that I don't want to talk to you," Rachel wished for the thousandth time that it was easier to arrange the jumbled mess inside her head into nice, neat sentences. "It's just that it's really hard. Embarrassing, even."

She picked up her coffee with shaking hands, then quickly set it back down as her unsteady grip on the cup threatened to slosh hot coffee all over the table.

"You and I have... well, we have history, and we never ever talked about it, and I don't really know how I should feel about you now. How you should feel about me. I just don't know if you're the person I should be talking to about this."

Quinn placed a hand on top of Rachel's shaking one. Rachel gasped in surprise and looked up into the other girl's beautiful hazel eyes. She saw only sincerity, but too often she had seen anger, even scorn. She looked away again.

"You're right. We never talked about it, and we should have. I don't know, maybe it's too late now. But perhaps we could start from our beginning. We could," Quinn grinned, "sing about it."

Rachel snorted with laughter, despite herself. "Yeah, right. Because that always worked so well back in the day."

Quinn, a wicked glint in her eye, began to sing softly,

"_You talked of politics, philosophy and I_

_ Smiled like Mona Lisa_

_We had our chance_

_It was a fine and true romance"_

Rachel hid her face in her hands.

"Please, stop," she whispered. "Everyone will be looking at us."

"You used to like it when everyone looked at you," Quinn pointed out. "And I always said status is currency. If I'm a movie star, or at least, I dunno, a movie... moon rock, I'm pretty sure that means I get to do whatever I want. Especially in a dead town in Ohio where nobody knows me."

Rachel looked around furtively. She had to admit, nobody was really paying them much attention. They were eating and drinking and chatting like nothing was going on. It was a bit strange, actually.

Quinn took her silence as license to continue.

"_I can still recall our last summer_

_I still see it all"_

The song called to Rachel, stirred something almost forgotten inside her. Without even really realizing she was doing it, she joined in, adding the strength of her powerful voice to Quinn's sweetly reserved one.

"_Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain_

_Our last summer_

_Memories that remain."_

Even with the increase in volume that came with both of them singing together, not a head was turned. How surreal, she thought. She had never noticed how self absorbed everyone in Lima was.


	2. Chapter Two

Quinn sipped her drink in silence while Rachel spoke. She knew how very important it was that she listen, but she hadn't seen the other girl in so long that it was hard for her to concentrate on anything other than how beautiful she looked. Quinn wanted nothing more than to take away the pain she could see in those sad brown eyes. She gripped her cup hard, forcing herself not to reach out and take Rachel's hands. It would probably only freak her out.

"When I got to NYADA," Rachel was saying, "I still felt really confident. I mean, everybody else was so great, but I still thought I was more talented than most of them. They warned us at orientation how tough it is to make it on Broadway, or whatever, but I thought I'd be, you know, the exception. The thing is, Lima good isn't New York good. Finn told me that, and I should have listened."

Quinn couldn't help rolling her eyes a little at that. It figured Rachel would still be thinking about Finncompetence. It occured to Quinn that she didn't even know if Rachel and Finn were still together, but she couldn't think of any way to ask that would sound innocent.

She settled for, "Finn? Is he still running Burt's shop?"

"Oh, I guess so. I don't know," Rachel replied distractedly. "Anyway, I went on so many auditions. But I got rejected for everything. I mean, it was brutal. One guy offered me a part if I'd sleep with him, but he was like 50, so that would have been gross."

The idea made Quinn feel a bit sick. _Stop it, _she told herself. _You're just friends now._

"One audition I went on? The casting director told me that he couldn't cast me because of my nose. Then, he said that I was too fat to be an actress and gave me a Wal-Mart application. He had a whole stack of them right next to his clipboard."

Quinn stared at her incredulously. "But you're not fat at all. And your nose is fine. Barbra, remember?"

"I know," Rachel said disconsolately. "But when they're casting, they don't care if you have any talent. They're looking for some blonde with an eating disorder who looks perfect in the pretty costumes. I'm sure it would have gone a lot differently if I looked like you do. I mean, of course someone like you gets parts."

"Oh," Quinn said. "I see."

"I didn't mean that you don't have talent," Rachel added hastily. "I'm sure you're a very good actress. I mean, you had Finn convinced that Beth was his. I mean -"

"I know what you meant," Quinn cut in. "Finn was an idiot, and as far as you're concerned, a few good meals would be the end of my career."

Rachel's expression told Quinn all she needed to know. She stood up, shrugged on her jacket and picked up her purse.

"I hope you enjoyed the coffee. Even if I bought it with money I didn't deserve to earn," she said bitterly.

"Wait, Quinn," Rachel called out. "Please come back. I never said you didn't deserve anything. I think you're being a little dramatic."

"Well then," Quinn shot back, "maybe that will come in handy the next time I accidentally eat a sandwich."

* * *

><p>Even as Quinn was striding out of the Lima Bean, she was regretting her outburst. Rationally, she knew that Rachel hadn't meant the comment the way that she'd taken it. Of course, that didn't matter much now. There was no way she could go back after a scene like that.<p>

_Maybe it's for the best, _she told herself. They'd had their chance, after all, and it hadn't worked. Trying to be friends seemed even less likely to work now. How could they be, when she had apparently gotten everything Rachel had wanted just by looking the way she did? Quinn hadn't felt guilt in a long time, by dint of great effort, but she was feeling it now.

It would be so easy to just move on, pretend she and Rachel had never chanced upon each other. But all Quinn could think about was those beautiful, sad eyes. Rachel was obviously hurting, and she needed a friend.

_Damn it, _she told herself. _For once in your life, stop caring about what people think of you, swallow your pride, turn around and go tell that girl to finish the rest of her story. You told her you would listen, now listen._

She had no sooner made this decision and set off back towards the Lima Bean than a crying, breathless Rachel rounded the corner and almost ran right into her.

Quinn took a step back and held up a hand.

"I think I owe you an apology."

Rachel wiped her eyes with her sleeve, watching Quinn suspiciously.

"I think maybe I was jealous."

Rachel gave a hollow laugh. "How could you be jealous? You're the successful one."

"But you were right. You're the one with the talent. You know it and I know it. It's silly, but when you were talking before, I felt like we were right back in high school."

Rachel smiled half-heartedly. "Some use talent is when no one will give you a chance to show it off."

"They will," Quinn assured her. "You think I didn't get rejected? The only roles people will give me are brainless bimbos. I'm thinking that's why I get all the crazy guys. But I'm taking them anyway, because everybody says that's how you get ahead in this industry. And you know what, Rachel? I think your talent is something too special to waste on playing some prostitute who gets killed."

"Your dad's okay with you doing that?"

"Haven't seen him in years," Quinn said breezily. "My mom doesn't exactly like it, but she figures it's better than me being an actual prostitute."

Rachel smiled. "Thanks, Quinn. You're being so nice, and after everything. I don't know. I just really don't know how to thank you."

"Let me take you out to dinner," Quinn suggested, before she could stop herself. "Breadstix, tomorrow night? I feel like you could use a night out."

Rachel paused. "As friends, right?"

"Sure. Friends," Quinn agreed. Okay, it wasn't exactly ideal, but if it was what Rachel wanted, it was what she was going to do.


	3. Chapter Three

Rachel spent most of the day getting ready for her dinner with Quinn. Part of her knew it was silly to worry so much about how she looked for an evening with a friend, but that didn't stop her from discarding almost everything in her closet before settling on a simple black dress that hugged her hips and showed off her legs to great effect. Quinn had always been a fan of this dress, she remembered with a small smile to herself as she examined her reflection.

Her dads appeared in her doorway.

"You look gorgeous, pumpkin," Leroy told her, coming over to kiss her forehead.

"It's so good to see you going out again. So, who are you going out with tonight?" Hiram asked with forced geniality.

"Just a friend," Rachel replied nervously. She'd never really been sure how much her dads knew about what had happened with Quinn and Finn that summer.

"Mm-hmm. You're awful dolled up for just a friend, love," Leroy pointed out, lightly stroking her hair.

"We just don't want to see you get hurt again. Some people don't deserve second chances," Hiram said sternly.

Rachel broke away from Leroy and picked up her mascara.

"I appreciate the concern, but I can look after myself. I've got to finish my makeup, okay?"

* * *

><p>Quinn had offered to pick her up, but it was a fairly pleasant walk from her house to Breadstix. She dawdled a little on the way, partly out of a sense of trepidation, but mostly just thinking about what her dads had said. She hadn't told them anything about… that summer. But they were shrewd, and they were such proud parents that they watched everything she did like a hawk. Was it possible that they'd known about Quinn? Or did they just think that she was meeting Finn tonight? She wished she knew who they'd been warning her about.<p>

Quinn was just pulling into the Breadstix parking lot when she arrived. As the other girl stepped out of her car - she'd upgraded, Rachel couldn't help but notice - Rachel was stunned into breathless silence. Quinn looked amazing. The plunging neckline on her dress was making Rachel have thoughts that she really couldn't afford to be having right now.

_Damn it, Quinn, _she thought. _This is supposed to be a dinner for friends. _

"Hi, Rachel," Quinn said, locking her car and pocketing the remote. "You look great."

_Then again, you were playing with fire when you put this dress on. What, you're showing skin for a girl whose heart you broke? What did you want to happen?_

"Thanks," Rachel said, her heart beating far faster than she thought was probably healthy. "You too, of course."

God, she'd missed that smile of Quinn's, the one she reserved for the rare occasions when she was genuinely pleased by a compliment. Somehow it'd always made Rachel feel special - that out of the many, many people who told Quinn she was gorgeous on a daily basis, she was the only one the other girl particularly cared to hear it from.

Rachel shook her head. _Stop it, Berry, _she told herself. _It's not going to happen. She's probably dating someone, anyway. You had your chance and you blew it._

After they'd settled into their table and ordered, Quinn smiled at Rachel.

"You know, you never finished telling me about why you're back in Lima. I mean, you told me about the horror auditions, but I can't believe that something like that would get the ambition machine that is Rachel Berry off track."

"No," Rachel agreed. "But it was kind of the last straw, you know. NYADA and my career was the only thing I had. I guess I lost it a little bit."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "What about Finn? Last I heard, you two were still together. Although I'm guessing not anymore, since you don't even know where he works now. That, and I'm pretty sure Finnocence wouldn't let you have dinner with me unless he was here to chaperone."

Rachel giggled despite herself. "Come on, Quinn. You have to stop insulting Finn sometime."

"No, not really. I got plenty more of them. You wanna hear?" Quinn smirked.

"Okay, but I thought you wanted to hear what happened with me and Finn."

Quinn sobered. "He didn't do anything dumb, did he? 'Cos I still know how to hurt him, you know."

"No. I did something dumb. I told him about us."

Quinn sat bolt upright. "What do you mean, you told him about us?"

Rachel took a deep breath, trying to ignore the sudden clammy feeling that had come over her.

"Well. I mean, I cheated on him with you, of all people. It wasn't exactly the sort of thing I could just forget about. I felt so guilty, you know. I blurted it out over the phone a few weeks after I got to New York. He didn't take it very well, as you can imagine. I kind of think maybe I subconsciously did it on purpose so I wouldn't be tied to anyone. New York just felt so alive with potential, and it seemed a shame to waste it on a long distance relationship with someone I wasn't even sure I wanted to stay with."

Quinn had sat stone still throughout Rachel's explanation. Now, her expression was unreadable and her silence seemed to fill the room.

"Please say something," Rachel begged.

"Okay," said Quinn finally, her voice trembling. "I'll say something."

Rachel swallowed hard and waited, fear gnawing at her.

"You told a guy who has no understanding of boundaries or privacy about something that you promised me you'd keep a secret just because you wanted to be free to _sleep around in your new city? _I mean, I just can't believe you would do that, and then not even tell me! So what, does everybody know about us now? Why don't you just go to my IMDb page and write in the trivia section that Quinn Fabray is a big fat lesbian? Because that's what you might as well have done!"

"No, no, it wasn't like that! Calm down, Quinn, please!"

"I'd really like to calm down, Rachel, but it's hard when you hear that somebody's just decided to take a sledgehammer to the foundations of your career that you just spent the last three years building."

"I don't think Finn has told anyone, Quinn. He was pretty embarrassed, honestly. I mean, he was more worried about how it looks that his only serious girlfriends ended up sleeping with each other," Rachel said desperately.

"Okay. Fine. But I just don't get it, Rachel. Why would you tell him? I thought the reason you broke up with me was because you wanted to marry Finn."

"I know. I was so confused. It was all so scary. I didn't want to go through what Kurt and Santana did. I didn't want to have to think about labels and all of that. Oh, Quinn, I'm so sorry. I broke up with you because I was a coward. Finn was just…easier."

Quinn nodded slowly. "Well, I guess I can't judge. I'm not exactly shouting it from the rooftops either. My agent says it's a bad idea, and anyway, it'd probably kill my Mom."

Rachel glanced around to make certain that nobody else was listening. "So you're… you know, you're pretty sure that you're… "

"I'm gay," Quinn said, softly but firmly. "I don't know what I meant to you, Rachel, but you were never just an experiment for me."

Rachel was delighted. Quinn's words were like a pure swan cutting through the murky waters of her confusion about what had happened that summer. She'd always wondered if perhaps she had been just another way of trying something out, like the pink hair and the nose ring. Of course, it didn't really matter now. Quinn was probably going out with some other closeted actress, or a model, or someone else she couldn't hope to compete with.

Quinn was staring at her through lowered eyelashes, and she realised that she probably needed to say something.

"I guess I'm bi, or something," she said carefully. "I really did like Finn, at least at first. And I really liked you."

Quinn opened her mouth to respond, but just then the waitress arrived with Rachel's pasta and Quinn's salad.

"Maybe I should have just gotten a salad, too," Rachel said once the waitress had gone.

"No way. I already ate at home," Quinn admitted, laughing. "I just didn't want to embarrass myself by slopping sauce all down my front or something in front of you."

Rachel smiled to herself. Maybe there was hope after all.


	4. Chapter Four

Quinn paid for dinner, waving away Rachel's protests, and the two girls walked out to Quinn's car.

"Do you want me to drive you home? I don't like the idea of you walking in the dark."

"Tough choice. On the one hand, walking is good exercise and doesn't rely on fossil fuels. On the other hand, if you drive me home, that's a few more minutes I'm going to get to spend with you."

"If you walk, I have to drive to your house anyway so I can make sure that you get home safe. So your fossil fuel argument is invalid," Quinn pointed out.

Rachel laughed and climbed into the car. "I suppose I can't argue with that."

Quinn concentrated hard on driving, but it was hard. She kept glimpsing Rachel's legs, showcased by that gorgeous dress, and remembering what they'd done the last time Rachel had worn that dress…

Rachel interrupted her thoughts. "Can I be honest, Quinn? I don't want this night to be over. Not yet."

"Okay, well, what do you want to do? Pretty much everything I can think of is closed, except maybe the bowling alley. I could look it up on my iPhone if you like," Quinn offered, fumbling in her console for her phone.

Rachel shook her head. "No. I want to go somewhere a little more private."

Quinn hardly dared to believe that Rachel might mean what she thought. She'd better pull over, she thought, before Berry's legs and words got them in an accident.

"Okay. Your place?"

"I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you. My dads were being a little weird when I was getting ready."

"I guess that means my place, then. My mom's probably too drunk this time of night to even notice, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Awesome. I mean, not your that mom's borderline alcoholism is awesome. I mean… I'm sorry, I should just stop talking."

Quinn laughed. "It's fine. You're not wrong. I keep trying to convince her that she should slow down, but then she just gets mad and says she doesn't have to take advice from someone who got knocked up and ruined their life at 15."

Rachel frowned. "Wow, that's really mean. I'm sorry, that must hurt a lot."

"Not as much as you'd think," Quinn shrugged. "I mean, there are a lot of things I don't agree with her about. I can just add that to the list. Anyway, she's the one who's 40 and divorced with no money and no real skills."

"I guess I'm just surprised. She seemed like she wanted to make things right after she let your dad kick you out."

"Yeah, well, that was before. She has her good moments, of course, but she's still pretty angry a lot of the time. I can sort of understand it. Life really didn't go the way she expected."

"I don't think it ever does."

* * *

><p>Quinn perched nervously on the seat by her dresser. The bed was a lot more comfortable, but she didn't want to move too fast and scare Rachel off. The other girl was examining the photos on her desk.<p>

"You look so beautiful," Rachel commented, running her finger over Quinn's junior prom photo. Quinn kept it front and center of her photo collection - not because she thought she looked particularly good in it, but to remind herself that she didn't need anybody else.

"I'm surprised you still have this one," Rachel said, picking up a photo of Puck and Beth. "After hard it was for you to work through it all."

"After how bat-shit crazy I went, you mean?" Quinn laughed. "I know. But it wasn't doing me any good pretending it never happened. I had to find a balance."

Rachel nodded. "Do you ever see her?"

"Shelby sends me letters sometimes. Photos. I keep them all. But I don't see her. Shelby doesn't think it's a good idea, and I guess I can't really blame her."

"At least you get letters. I haven't heard from Shelby since she left McKinley," Rachel said sadly.

"I know it's not really the same thing," Quinn said, "but I'm not sure if I'd know what to say to Beth if she came back into my life as a teenager. Except maybe don't trust guys like Puck with the birth control. So I don't think it means she doesn't love you."

Rachel put down the photo and flopped down spread-eagle on Quinn's bed.

_It'll be seriously creepy if you try anything right now, _Quinn told herself sternly. _No matter how hot she looks._

"I know," Rachel was saying. "It's just hard not to feel rejected. Replaced with a younger and cuter model. That's probably why she wanted your baby. Guaranteed pretty."

"You're pretty, Rachel," Quinn pointed out, not trusting herself to say anything more.

"Thanks." Rachel smiled, and rolled over to face Quinn. "So, um, can I ask you something?"

_In a dress like that, you can ask me anything. _"Of course," she said aloud.

"Are you… you know, dating anybody right now?"

"No. There was a girl in LA for a while, but she wanted to move a lot faster than I did. So I ended it."

"LA? What happened to Yale?"

"I dropped out. I hated Connecticut. Anyway, I need to be in LA, for my career. I'm at USC now, but I'm taking this semester off. The movie I'm doing now is a pretty big project. I'm hoping it'll be the beginning of bigger and better things."

Quinn knew she was burbling, but she was finding it very hard not to stare at Rachel. Lying there like that, it was so tempting to… well. But she didn't want to make a move in case she was misreading the signals. Rachel had been the one who'd broken up with her, after all, and Quinn didn't want to be humiliated again.

"Quinn? Are you going to come over here, or what?"

That got her attention.

"I… are you sure? I mean, it sounds like you've been going through a bad time. I don't want to take advantage."

"I could use a distraction."

Uncertainly, Quinn moved to sit on the bed next to Rachel.

"You look so good in that dress," Rachel told her huskily. "I especially like the neckline."

Quinn smiled at that. The dress did show off quite a lot. It was lucky that her mother had started drinking earlier than usual that afternoon.

"Can I kiss you?" Rachel asked, a little shyly.

Quinn closed her eyes and felt Rachel's soft lips press against hers. Oh, hell. She could feel herself falling, knew she was probably opening herself up to a world of hurt, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away. All that mattered to her right now was that for this one moment it was like three years ago, like Finn and NYADA and Yale had never happened, like they'd never broken apart.


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. I was busy voting like crazy in the E! poll. All worth it now, but yeah...

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><p>The familiar opening notes of "Don't Rain on my Parade" startled Rachel out of her blissful sleep. As she slowly opened her eyes, she saw Quinn fumbling on the dresser for her phone. Ah. So this wasn't just a continuation of her Barbra dream. She struggled to sit up, wondering what the time was. She hadn't exactly intended to sleep over, but they'd stayed up so late rediscovering each other that an exhausted Quinn had begged Rachel not to make her drive. Walking home from Dudley Road was out of the question at two a.m., so Rachel had snuggled down into Quinn's warm arms until they both drifted off. Still, she vaguely remembered Quinn setting an early alarm so as to avoid any awkward questions from Judy or her dads - oh, God, she hoped they hadn't waited up for her - so who was calling her this early?<p>

_A girlfriend? _she thought, before she could stop herself.

"I told you I was going back home for the fortnight," Quinn was mumbling, still rubbing her eyes. "You can't pretend you didn't know."

Rachel lay back on the pillow, trying to quell the nervous feeling in her stomach. _Stop it, _she scolded herself. _Your jealousy has ruined enough._

"I know, I know," Quinn sighed heavily. "I'll be there. See you tomorrow, hon."

So she was leaving. Well, of course it had been too good to be true. Rachel felt around on the floor for her clothes, desperately wishing she had never agreed to see Quinn. She should have known it wouldn't work. It had always been so hard for them.

A slim arm wrapped around her from behind and she realised Quinn had hung up the phone.

"Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" Quinn asked softly, in between the kisses she trailed down Rachel's neck. "We still have a little while."

"Well, you're going away. Back to your girlfriend. Who you said you didn't have," Rachel pointed out.

Quinn looked confused. "What girlfriend?"

"You know. On the phone," Rachel looked down, suddenly embarrassed.

"That was my agent," Quinn said gently. "She was calling to tell me that they sorted out some issues on set and now filming is going back earlier than planned. I have to go back to LA tonight, but that doesn't mean we can't make the most of the time we have right now."

Rachel pulled away. "So you expect me to just be some tawdry one night stand?"

"You know that isn't true. I wish I could stay here with you. But this isn't a career where you get a lot of second chances."

Rachel flinched. Oh, did she ever know how true that was. It made her long more than ever to tell Quinn everything, but she just couldn't. Not yet. She hadn't even been able to bring herself to be fully candid with the therapist her dads had made her go to see.

"So if that was your agent, why did you call her 'hon'?" Rachel pursued, trying to shake off the thought.

Quinn laughed. "That's just how she talks. How everyone talks there, really. It's kind of contagious. It doesn't mean anything, I promise. She's like sixty and really, really not my type."

"Well, I guess I'd better get out of here before your mother sees me. You need to pack, anyway."

"I don't really have much to pack, and my mom won't be up for hours."

"Still. I think maybe our moment has passed, Quinn. You have to go, and I have learned from experience that I don't really do long distance very well."

"That was with _Finnept," _Quinn pointed out. "It might be different with someone who isn't, well, a total dimwit."

"I think it was me, not him," Rachel admitted. "I can be a little high maintenance, you know."

Quinn smirked. "I would like to think that I can meet higher standards than Finn Hudson. Anyway, I like a challenge."

Rachel nodded. "I know. I think if anyone could make me feel secure from thousands of miles away, it'd be you. But not right now. I'm sorry, Quinn, but I think this was a mistake."

"I asked you if you were sure. You knew I was only here for a little while," Quinn reminded her, sounding a little frustrated. Rachel couldn't blame her, honestly.

"I think I wanted to believe I was sure. I wanted you so badly, I think I would have told myself anything."

Quinn chewed her lip thoughtfully. "What about if you came with me?"

"What?"

"I don't mean to pressure you if you're really just not ready for anything," Quinn continued in a rush, "but if it's just the long distance thing you're not sure about, why don't you come to L.A.? I mean, I understand if you don't want to, and I don't want to make assumptions, but it seems like you're kind of floundering here. L.A. could be really good for you, if you want to try and get into performing again."

"I can't just up and move to L.A today!" Rachel spluttered.

"Can't you?" Quinn asked her seriously. "I've got money, if that's the problem. I told you years ago that you didn't belong in this town and I stand by that. If you're not going back to New York, I think you should come with me."

Rachel stared at Quinn. It sounded so crazy. But when you thought about it, what did she have left to lose?


	6. Chapter Six

Quinn tapped her fingers restlessly on the steering wheel, wondering what was taking Rachel so long. She'd been waiting for over an hour, and really, how long could it take to pack? It wasn't like they were going to the Sahara; you could _buy _stuff in L.A. Of course, knowing Rachel, she was probably filling about six suitcases with stuffed animals right now. Quinn sighed. She hoped that was all it was. She'd pay all the excess baggage fees in the world if it meant that Rachel's dads weren't, right now, trying to talk her out of coming. God, she wished she could go inside and see what was going on. But Rachel had asked her to wait, and wait she would.

The door opened, and Quinn's heart pounded. She couldn't look at Rachel's face; what if she had decided not to come? But there she was, and there - yes - were her dads, each manhandling a large suitcase. Quinn breathed a sigh of relief. Oh, she'd asked Rachel to come with her on impulse, but now, she couldn't imagine it any other way. She couldn't give up now, not when they were just getting back on track. She couldn't go back to her shiny hollow world and leave Rachel to her obvious depression. She just hoped she was doing the right thing for Rachel, hoped she wasn't slipping back into selfish habits.

Rachel opened the passenger door and slipped inside.

"I'm sorry that took so long," she said breathlessly. "Will we still make the flight?"

Quinn nodded, hiding a smile at Rachel's complete obliviousness to her dads struggling to heft the suitcases into the car.

"Clearly our baby girl is practicing for when she hits the big time and has people to do all this stuff for her," Hiram muttered.

"Wait! Did I pack my gold star cup?" Rachel turned around, still fumbling with her seatbelt.

"I don't know, which of these elephant sized bags would you have put it in?"

Leroy took advantage of his daughter's momentary distraction to lean down to the driver's window.

"Quinn. I'm going to say just once that I don't really like this. She's had so many struggles. But this is the first time in so long that we've seen her interesting in anything, we can't say no to her. But I need you to promise me that you'll look after her. I'm trusting you with my world here, Quinn."

"She's my world, too," Quinn answered without thinking. _Shit. That was a stupid thing to say._ She had no idea how much Rachel's dads suspected about the two of them, but she didn't think it was a lot. She looked down, her cheeks flaming.

"Good," said Leroy. His tone gave no indication that he found her answer weird, and Quinn realised he probably hadn't fallen for the "moving in with a friend" speech Rachel had rehearsed on the drive.

Gold star cup located, Rachel settled back down into her seat. Hiram reached in through the window for one more hug and she laughed.

"You guys, I'm not going away forever! I'm sure I'll come back in between projects."

Leroy squeezed her shoulder. "Of course you will, baby."

"We've got to get going, Rach," Quinn said, checking her watch.

Rachel waved and blew kisses to her dads as they pulled out of the driveway, her excitement palpable. Quinn had to admit, it was amazing how much happier she looked. She desperately hoped she wasn't just setting Rachel up for an even bigger fall.


End file.
